Are There Really Stages of Grief?

November 16th, 2014

 

Twenty two years ago, Elizabeth Kubler Ross changed my life when I read her book On Death and Dying. Her road map for grief that the terminally ill go through as they travel down the path of acceptance shaped my life and my work. Her model for grief was never meant to be rigid, nor fixed in logical, progressive steps. She gave us a guideline to help us understand several of the main emotions one might pass through on their journey of grief.

Ross understood that grief is a personal journey. One which each individual must journey through.

 

 As I experienced my own personal grief, I was comforted in knowing that the waves of emotions would not last forever, unless of course I’m unable or unwilling to move through them. 

 

What I’m learning from my teacher grief is that it’s very personal. My grief will not be like anyone else’s. During this whole process, I have not grieved because Allan birthed into spirit. My grief is much more about myself, my life and what I am experiencing. Allan was ready to move from the earth planes of consciousness. There has been no sadness for Allan but for myself, for his children and for those who loved him.

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The Power Of Grace

November 19th 2014

“The process of life is very much like the process of death. We spend our entire lives learning how to let go. We are challenged every day to expand our consciousness and to let go of old, outdated beliefs, wounds, and patterns which prevent us from fully embracing the magnificence of our souls. The way we deal with letting go of relationships, experiences, and wounds of the past, during our life can greatly influence how we will let go when physical death approaches. Those birthing into spirit begin the journey of letting go of the physical. What childbirth was to the incarnating soul is now the dance of one birthing into spirit. Childbirth used to be a sacred dance between mother, child and the incarnating soul. The sacredness of childbirth has been forgotten by the masses as has the sacredness of dying a physical death.”

 

I now turn to the process of letting go help me heal the heartache. The process of letting go of all the dreams I shared with Allan is a process I have to take slowly, but if my heart is to heal, let go I must. This process of letting go isn’t new to me. I’ve worked hard to release old, outdated patterns and beliefs throughout my journey of healing.

 

I can hold onto my dreams I had with Allan or I can let go of them. Letting go opens my life up to new dreams and allows grace to enter into my heart. The physical death of Allan shook me to the core. The waves of grief knocked me off my center. As I began to understand that grief was a fluid experience, I began to understand how to use my tools to move through the emotions. I have a newfound respect for breath, since it was breathing that made it possible to find my center. Breath became my teacher as I began letting go of the dreams and the life I had built with Allan. Every day I’m given a new opportunity to let go of life as it was and the dreams I had with my beloved. Letting go is a choice. I don’t honor the love I shared with Allan by clinging onto what might have been. I honor what we shared by allowing my heartache to heal and begin the process of living my life. I do not buy into the belief that how deep and long one grieves is a testimony to how deeply one loved. Grief is a fluid experience. I am not meant to sit in grief for too long because if I do, it could become my way of experiencing life. I believe that the way we deal with letting go of relationships, experiences, and the wounds of the past, during our life will determine how one moves through the many waves of grief.

Holding on, clinging to what might have been or could have been, is wasted energy and keeps one stuck in grief. Letting go allows grace to enter into our hearts. If someone would have told me fifteen days ago that I would be experiencing the power of grace right now, I wouldn’t have believed them. In this place of grace, I am renewed. In this place of grace, there is peace which surpasses all understanding. In the presence of grace my grief continues to move, My heart continues to heal. In the presence of grace, I can let go of the dreams I shared with Allan and move into the dreams that are unfolding in the eternal present moment. Today I allow grace to be my teacher. Katye Anna